Tip 1: Why the feelings go away

Family and relationships

Tip 1: Why the feelings go away

On a cheerful and noisy wedding they shout "bitterly"newlyweds, admiring the captivating bride and a little envious of the happiness of the young. But sometimes after an accident of two or three years a beautiful, happy couple breaks up. Alas, over time, the magical sensations of happiness, ascent, affinity and tenderness gradually come to naught. Where does love disappear that filled life with happiness?

"Love lives for three years," says oneproverb. But in fact, this is not love, but passion, which can be satisfied by itself. If the basis of the relationship is only sex and attraction, then, most likely, after satisfying the interest (and its damping), the couple will disintegrate. True love is born on a more solid basis than sex. When people carefully and respectfully treat each other, and do not treat their loved one only as a source of pleasure and pleasant emotions, they have a chance to melt passion into deep love and friendship, when even shortcomings or oddities become not dividing but binding factors. develop only if both are "donors", and not just "recipients." Unfortunately, not many, especially in their youth, have the wisdom to save feelings. And with the first difficulties, many lovers retreat, do not compromise, see first of all their own "I", and do not think about the preservation of love. In fact, feelings not always go away, they just change -stormy passion turns into a deep tenderness, novelty turns into native habits, and an ardent desire - into a cozy home affection. Simply, not all are ready to go from the first stage of intoxication with love to its calm flow, and this is understandable - it is difficult to keep this high level all the time, when everything feelings are in a pleasant and exciting tension. When the charm of the first months or years goes away, when poetry gives way to the prose of life, it becomes intolerable for many people to solve household problems - dish washing, budget allocation, cleaning, weekly purchases, and so on. And then the former lovers decide that love is gone. And she, really, leaves.

Tip 2: Why do girls leave

Sometimes a man perceives a woman nearby assomething self-evident. And suddenly she leaves, in the hard, painful hours of loneliness, he harasses himself, trying to understand what she lacked, why she abandoned it and how to get it back.

When a woman feels like a free applicationto a refrigerator, washing machine, microwave oven or stove, there is a single desire: to prove that she is also a person with her talents, desires, needs, missed opportunities. After washing dishes, clean apartment and cooked dinner - this is not an easy task, but even for these seemingly elementary things, in the opinion of men, she does not hear simple words of gratitude. And then a dilemma arises, like the young Rodion Raskolnikov: "... I am trembling or have the right ..." When self-esteem overcomes love for her second half, the girl leaves, thereby freeing herself from the bonds of life, eternal cooking and harvesting - she just tired of serving him. When a man becomes colorless, boring, dull, grumpy, greedy and uninteresting, involuntarily thoughts arise in his head: "Why am I with him? Why should I tolerate his hysterics, boorish attitude to himself, disrespect for his life? "If a man becomes none, he lacks aspirations and desires, he is immediately abandoned. And in fact a woman in this situation can not be accused of anything - nobody wants to live with a vegetable. The third reason for parting is the alcohol dependence of the guy. The constant use of alcohol changes the person. From a kind, sympathetic, attentive man, he turns into an aggressive primitive creature. The girl is in constant fear, feeling a sense of shame for her other half. All this leads to depression, apathy and, in the final analysis, a nervous breakdown. After endless persuasions, requests, threats, scandals, she decides to leave her former lover, because there are no more forces. In Russia, women suffer from domestic violence. It does not matter what caused the beating, it will be repeated. A man who raised his hand on a woman once, will feel anarchy and will consider this a norm of behavior. The only correct way out in this situation is withdrawal from hopeless and meaningless relationships. Probably, every tenth woman in our country cried at least once in life for the betrayal of a loved one. If the connection was accidental and spontaneous, many women forgive their man, thinking that this is just sex, a minute weakness without any emotions and feelings. Closing her eyes to betrayal, the girl thereby seems to approve of the boy walking to the left. They become regular and regular, despite his assurances that this was the first and last time. Every time, when learning about the new change, women's self-esteem will fall lower and lower, and at one not very good moment she will feel herself an asexual being unable to even attract the attention of her former half. Tired of lying, constant betrayals and scandals, she leaves.

Tip 3: Why does romance leave relationships?

When people just start dating, they are fullromance: he gives flowers, looks after, wears on his hands, she treats gently and anxiously, literally worships a man. But after a while this attitude is replaced by ordinary domestic turmoil.

Instructions

There are several reasons why romanceleaves relationship. And the first one is addiction. A person can get used to anything, including relationships. First, a man must seek a woman, and she - to attract his attention. Hence the beginning of courtship and presentation of gifts, beautiful outfits and delicious romantic dinners.

In addition, the level of hormones in the first afterdating time just rolls over: a new person, new feelings, feelings, love. Hormones literally capture a person, immersing him in euphoria. I always want to be close, learn each other, try new things. Some problems seem small and unworthy of attention, the couple do not concentrate on them and find solutions to them, continuing to enjoy each other.

Naturally, sometime the moment comesSaturation, if not satiety new man. After all it only initially seems that he will not get tired and the moment of full recognition will never come. In fact, everything happens quickly enough. This is not yet boring each other, but already dulling that enthusiastic feeling, which is called falling in love. This happens in the absolute majority of couples, and when this moment comes, it is important to behave correctly in order to keep the relationship.

Emotional saturation with each other does not meansevering relations. Simply during this period of time, young people start to look at each other more soberly. They discover that the person next to them is not perfect. The old unsolved problems are emerging and quarrels begin. In addition, the same addiction also strongly affects the disappearance of romance. It is no longer necessary to seek the attention of a partner, because the priorities are set, the couple has officially formed or even married. And some on this point: if you do not need to work on relationships, then you should not put any effort.

In this lies the huge error of the individual pairs. Relationships require constant work, perhaps even more after the disappearance of the first love. A sober view of a partner's habits can completely deprive a person of his former mood for romance. And household duties will take away and the last time on display of romantic feelings. Before the romance, when you need to wash the laundry, finish the repair, make dinner. Young people invest immense forces in the arrangement of life and romance they simply do not have any means, no time, no desire.

However, you can not allow this. It is necessary, even with effort, but to find reasons, desire and time to return the former sense of ease and romance. To do this, you can arrange dinners, invent unusual entertainment, for example, hikes on the roofs, go on vacation, give small gifts, leave lovely notes, going to work. You can come up with hundreds of romantic things, if you continue to love your partner, do not forget to take seriously the relationship with him, even when you live in a marriage, remember why the relationship with this person is important.

Tip 4: Why do strange thoughts arise?

A person can sometimes visit various strange thoughts, which, at first glance, there is no explanation. However, they do not appear on an equal footing. The roots of such ideas lie in the subconscious.

Some thoughts are strange and unexpected

Depressed emotions

Strange ideas can arise from the fact thatthe individual suppresses his own feelings. For example, he struggles with irritation, does not demonstrate it in front of others, but later a completely wild idea about some kind of physical violence comes into his head. Naturally, a person does not succumb to it, but the topic itself can scare him. The thing is that human emotions and impressions are a kind of energy. It can not just disappear. If an individual has suppressed his aggression in one case, she may return some other time, without any apparent reason or for some small, minor reason. When a person believes that he has taken control of negative feelings, it is necessary to take care of the ways of expressing them. You can splash emotions in a sports hall or during usual house cleaning. Physical activity helps to release accumulated negative energy, and the person returns to psychological balance. In addition, you can express emotions through creativity. The main thing is not to miss the signals that your consciousness gives you, and to work on yourself, helping yourself to cope with everyday stresses.

Hidden desires

Strange thoughts appear and because of secret desiresthe individual. Frenzy erotic fantasies in reality can be the result of sexual dissatisfaction or a suppressed attraction to a particular person. This means that the desire has not gone anywhere, it has simply been transformed. The strange, sudden idea of abandoning everything and going far away may indicate a feeling of dissatisfaction with one's own life and a depressed desire to self-actualize. In this case, a person needs to find a way to express himself and develop his own abilities and talents.

Incoming information

Sometimes strange thoughts do not carry much information aboutwhat happens in the human soul, and are the result of watching an impressive film or reading an exciting novel. The individual can hear some unusual story that long after that will sound like an echo inside him. To get rid of some undesirable, strange, obsessive and frightening thoughts, it is necessary to switch to another topic, "seize" a scary movie, a depressing book or an unusual post, seen on the Internet, something more, more positive and easy to perceive. Although it is worth noting for yourself the fact that the information obtained has taken hold of your fantasy, and wonder why it happened.

Tip 5: Why is it dangerous to be a good girl

Since childhood, we have been punished for manifesting negativeemotions, encouraging to be obedient to comfortable children. Becoming adults, many of us continue to wear the mask of a good girl, forgetting about their psyche. But it depends on our health and the quality of life in general.

Screaming, crying, showing displeasure to a womanforbid even in kindergarten, because "it is not decent", "so do not behave obedient girls." Even to build gloomy faces or defend yourself from a neighbor in the sandbox is elevated to the rank of unworthy behavior. "You're a good girl, stop crying," - continue to educate in school. And the girl stops, gradually losing the ability to see their negative emotions. But from the fact that they are no longer distinguishable, these emotions do not go anywhere, but are stored in our psyche, eventually forming dangerous deposits.

From the outside the woman looks wonderful - to everyonesmiles, affectionately says, does not quarrel with her husband or neighbors. But inside of it the volcano is smoldering. Not far off the time when another suppressed negative emotion: anger, resentment, resentment, - will become a match in a haystack.

From the once obedient girl a woman canturn into an evil fury, constantly all unhappy, and even get a nervous breakdown, when without a therapist can not cope. It also happens that suppressed emotions first become strains in certain areas of the body, and then - with ailments and illnesses. This is even a special science - psychosomatic diseases. Sometimes, under the weight of unresolved emotions, a woman can become addicted to alcohol. That's why it's dangerous to be a good girl.

You can not please everyone. There are always people that we will not like. Therefore, it is better to allow yourself to be in a bad mood than to try to please others. You can tell yourself when you need: "Yes, I feel pain, disappointment, insult" and just let myself feel it. Cry in the pillow, write your feelings on a sheet of paper and burn, share with your girlfriend, - there are a lot of ways. The main thing is not to hide negative emotions from yourself, but let them be.