Tip 1: What to do if you are an outsider

Psychology

Tip 1: What to do if you are an outsider

The word "outsider" in EnglishMeans "outsider". An outsider is called a person who could not find his place in the team or was rejected by him. Such people often feel insecure and constrained in communication.

All outsiders have traits such as fear andUncertainty in themselves and in relationships. The causes of any psychological problem are mistakes in parenting that parents allowed. Psychologists studied the histories of life of outsiders and came to the conclusion that as a child, they often had to face a negative evaluation of their independent actions on the part of adults. At the same time, constant pressure and lack of praise led to the fact that the child no longer formed self-confidence, in his abilities and in his rightness. Criticism of adults in relation to the actions of the child has led to fear of self-expression. If such a child with the uncertainty formed in him, gets into the children's collective, his fear and shyness will prevent him from protecting himself. In the future, he may have a complex of self-doubt. Failures in entering its first team will lead to unconsciously the outsider begins to predict its own failures when communicating, that is, it is already set up in advance for failure. It is best to work on insecurity with an experienced psychologist, since specific advice of a specialist should be based on individual characteristics of a person. However, there are several general tips for overcoming constraints in communication. The first thing you need to start with is to recognize your personal qualities, whatever they are. Learn to express your feelings. To do this, try to say such words aloud, as for example: "I'm embarrassed", "I'm not used to ...", "It's a little embarrassing for me." Try to be persistent and gradually train this quality. Do not be afraid to be obtrusive. Try to program yourself to succeed. To do this, concentrate on the positive moments in life when everything turned out. Remember your emotions, which in this case arose, and try to relive them again. Throw thoughts from my mind like "I will never get it". Remember, sooner or later everything changes. Be patient. Try to change the circle of communication in the event that you are receptive to the emotions of others. Try to spend time with positively minded, successful people. Watch the confidence, but do not envy her, but learn. Do not be afraid at first to copy the gestures and phrases of the leaders. Over time, your actions will become decisive. More often praise yourself. Make your inner voice celebrate any achievement. A proven way to increase self-confidence in the shortest possible time is good old auto-training. Remember that ideal people simply do not exist. Everyone has their own problems, fears, weaknesses. The most important thing is to learn not to be afraid of difficulties, but to overcome them.

Tip 2: What is Sociometry?

Sociometry studies quantitative indicatorsInterpersonal relations and presents very interesting data on the relationship in the group. The founder of this method is Jacob Moreno.

To identify the preferences in a group, you need to specifyAt least two questions: "With whom in your group, class, or team would you always like to be together (at work, studying)?" And the second question: "With whom from your group, class, collective, you would not want to be together all the time (at work, studying)? "

On these questions, given to all participantswe can judge who occupies the leading position in the hierarchy, and who is the outsider, etc. Often two more questions are added to these questions: "Who from your collective would you be invited to your birthday?" And the second question: "Who of your collective would not you be invited to your birthday?"

If the first couple of questions assess the preference in the sphere of working relationships, then the second pair allows you to evaluate personal preferences in the team.

What do we get as a result of such studies? First, after processing the results, we get a diagram in the form of several concentric circles, on which all the members of the collective are depicted in accordance with the number of preferences they have received. In the center, those who received the largest number of elections, that is, the most popular, at the edges are those who are most rejected.

Secondly, in addition to leaders, formal andinformal groups can be distinguished groups of those who communicate most closely in a given collective. Usually in large groups (school classes, institute groups), several micro groups of 3-5 people are distinguished. Since the microgroups themselves are oriented toward their leaders, it is easy to identify the common features and direction of the microgroup if we know their leader. This can be useful in psychological work to correct the unfavorable factors of interpersonal communication in the team. Outsiders and most rejected members of the team also require a separate approach.

Third, modern processing programsSociometric data allow us to evaluate several characteristics of a group at once. This is cohesion, conflictness and other indicators of the group, according to which it is possible to compare different teams and forecast, for example, success in competitions, where the result depends on the overall coherence of the group.

Tip 3: How to save up for an apartment

Today, few will refuse to have their own flat. Moreover, many madly want it, but howachieve their dreams, know the unit. If you just save a small amount every month, then before you buy your own home, decades will pass. But if you deliberately invest your money, then buy flat Can be much faster.

Instructions

Making a plan To answer the question "How to save on flat? ", You need to determine what amount of the family budget can be postponed every month. This also determines the time it will take to buy your own home.

Choosing an organization where you will investcash at this stage you need to familiarize yourself with all the conditions that Mutual Funds (mutual funds) and banks (deposits) offer. Half of the income, as well as your savings, can be sent each month to a mixed UIF. Choose is "average", which shows a stable income, but does not lead among the rest in terms of growth (as practice shows, such after a certain time become outsiders). In recent years, the average return on these investments is approximately 37% per annum.

Investing in cash savingsAs it showsPractice, investing 10 thousand rubles a month has the smallest discomfort on the family budget. Naturally, multiplying it in a short time is real only if the strategy is right. By investing 10 thousand rubles in a bank deposit, for example, with a 12% interest rate, in a year you will already receive a capital of 260 thousand rubles.

Buying an apartment on a mortgage Before you conclude a contract, you need to read all the documents and requirements. First of all, you need to focus on the size of the down payment.

Tip 4: How to be when you are rejected

A person can be very successful and respected inSociety, but if he lacks emotional support at home, he will feel very bad. Emotional rejection in families, unfortunately, is encountered more often. Sometimes the ratio changes dramatically, but more often communication becomes gradually cooler until it reaches a certain degree of detachment.

Instructions

If you notice that your spouse rejects you orPartner, take immediate action. If this is done on time, the relationship can be restored. First of all, you need to get to the bottom of the reason for the cooling and the resulting detachment. More often than not, the problem is that you spend little time communicating with your loved one or talking to topics that interest him. Usually the rejection itself arises after a small conflict, against the background of cooling relations. Such a conflict can become fatal for the relationship, so it must be decided in such a way as not to infringe the interests of your partner. Relationships are worth such sacrifices.

In addition, the best family psychologists recommendAt least an hour a week to devote to the discussion of relations. Take each other's hands and tell them that you were happy for a week, but what grieved you. Then turn off the light, take a lighted candle in your hand and ask the partner to tell about what he would like to change in your behavior. Swap places, tell your beloved, when he holds a candle, that you lack emotional support, and what exactly you lack in the relationship, what actions the partner or words. Then turn on the light and write down the most important problems, as well as ways to remedy the situation.

If your child under 12 rejects you,Address to the child psychologist: normally, small children are very attached to their parents and can not give up emotionally intense communication with their mother and father if the relationship as a whole has not been spoiled by deep resentment. If you are rejected by a teenage child, especially a boy, do not take the situation very painful, it can be overcome in time. The most frequent reasons for quarrels are insufficient attention to the adolescent and his desire to show his independence. A much more serious, but less common, reason is when a young man is ahead of his mother or father in terms of speed of development and knowledge in areas of importance to him. For example, his knowledge of literature is deep enough, he reads a lot, and if parents are not interested in book novelties, he often finds it difficult to find topics for communication. What can be done to restore respect and love in a relationship with a teenager? Pay more time to communicate with him and develop as a professional and a person, do not focus only on the way of life, do not limit yourself to formal questions. A teenager for sincere unobtrusive love will forgive you even incompetence. The biggest mistake is to allow the development of relations to take its course, not to pay attention to the growing alienation. In the future, this can lead to a complete lack of understanding and development of the conflict in the relationship.

Tip 5: Who is the outsider?

Today it is common to strive to become a leader. But if there are leaders in the society, there must be outsiders, such is the law of the social group. Who happens to be in this role more often and for what reasons - to understand quite simply. It is more difficult to understand what to do in order not to become an outsider.

Outsider is usually called someone who does notis able to succeed, a person who is forever worse than others. But it is not so. Outsider - rather a social role, which, under a certain confluence of circumstances, can take almost anyone, regardless of his personal qualities.

Outsider as a social role

The study of the psychology of small social groups, toWhich can be attributed to both the school class and the workforce, made it possible to identify patterns in the distribution of roles within each such social group. In order for the group to maintain a social balance, all social niches must be filled. If any of the niches is released, the team strives to fill it, "putting forward" for the vacant social role of one of the members of the group. And, sometimes regardless of the number of members of the team, some social niches can be filled with only one person, for example, the role of an informal leader or a full-time jester. Other niches can accommodate several people. When conducting sociometric studies by psychologists, it was revealed that a niche of an outsider, or an outcast, can be employed by a team of no more than two or three members of the group. But at least one outsider in any social group will necessarily be. This role is necessary to ensure that the rest of the group feel "on top". Comparing themselves with an outsider, they maintain their own self-esteem at the proper level. This happens regardless of how bad or good is the outsider or the rest of the group - these are social laws.

Who is "chosen" as an outsider

It is easy to understand that the role of an outsider in the teamUsually a person is selected who has the most pronounced negative features that are not welcomed in a particular team. In the school class, the role of outsiders is most often children with pronounced physical disabilities, lagging behind in studies, etc. In an adult team, it can be an employee who has the smallest set of business qualities necessary for work, but this does not always happen. It may well be that the personality traits that allowed a person to "take a niche" of an outsider in one team will be quite acceptable in another. It is believed that it is easier for an outsider to become a new member of the collective, but this is not so. The newcomer should have the same negative qualities as the outsider already available in the group, but expressed in a much greater degree.

How to stop being an outsider

Taking this social niche, to get out of itExtremely difficult. It is practically useless to appeal to the morals and philanthropy of the members of the collective: an outsider is necessary for a social group, and the collective can consciously "let go" a person from this role only if there is purposeful psychological work aimed at reorienting the socially-advantaged members of the group to other, more acceptable mechanisms of self-affirmation. Such work can and should be done in such a small social group as the family. In a working collective or a school class, this is extremely difficult. To avoid becoming an outsider, a person needs from the very first days of joining a new collective to show those qualities that his members can positively appreciate. The better it is for him, the less likely that a person will be "elected" for the role of an outsider. If this happens, it remains for the person either to wait for a new member of the team to be able to occupy this social niche instead of him (which is extremely rare ), Or get out of this group and try in a new team to take on a more prosperous social role.