Tip 1: What is traumatizing the child's psyche

Children

Tip 1: What is traumatizing the child's psyche

Child's psyche at any age is very vulnerable. Stresses, fears, negative manifestations of the surrounding life have a negative impact on the formation of his mental state, his character.

Family problems

The family is the basis on which thethe whole life of the child. From interpersonal relations of parents between themselves and children depends on how the model of family behavior in the child is formed. Parents should take into account that the child learns to communicate with them. It is parents who give an example of behavior for the child. Accordingly, if mom and dad constantly swear, call each other, fight, then the child perceives this as the norm of communication in the family. At the same time, such relations of the parents cause an irreparable injury to the child's psyche.

In his future family, the child will build the same relationships that he observed in childhood. Hearing abuse from father and mother, he similarly begins to talk with his children.

The attitude of parents towards their son or daughter also hasgreat importance for their development. If a mother or father screams at their child, using abusive words, this leads to the formation of a clogged personality of the baby. Subsequently, it will be difficult for him to believe in his abilities, he will grow up mentally unbalanced. If there are two or more children in the family, the parents' attitude towards them should be the same. Otherwise, the child who is less stressed, feels flawed, "wrong". He tries to earn the love of adults. Not having achieved this, he begins to feel anger at parents and other children. After many years, such a negative attitude will be very difficult to break.

Tip 2: How our subconscious mind protects us from ourselves

What is consciousness? Consciousness is a combination of the basic processes of the psyche, which gives us the opportunity to feel, feel, represent. In psychoanalysis, consciousness is defined as the space generated by the unconscious, from which everything that can run counter to the main content is expelled. In fact, everything that somehow does not fit into rigid ideas about oneself, this unconscious and is not allowed to consciousness.

Protective mechanisms of the psyche are those levers,which the unconscious controls, that will fall into the realm of consciousness. They serve to eliminate or minimize negative, traumatic experiences. Also, their action is aimed at maintaining the stability of a person's self-esteem.

There are several types of protective mechanisms of the human psyche:

crowding out

The whole point is that unpleasant information is simply forgotten. That is, there was some kind of traumatic event, and after a while memories of it all turn pale until they are forgotten at all.

Negation

Means that a person does not / does not realize the obvious things. Such a scheme is well seen in the relationship, when one partner turns a blind eye to problems or denies their presence.

Substitution

Well shown, again, for examplerelations, when the husband after work disrupts anger and discontent with his wife and children. Although the real object of his negative emotions is his boss or colleague.

Regression

Response is not in an adult type, but in a child. You certainly have repeatedly met adult, independent people who respond to certain situations like children. They are fussy and make hysterics.

Projection

Attribution to other own negative features. The mechanism works to direct negative energy to another person, not to oneself.

Compensation

The diminution of the importance of the sphere in which a person feels incomplete and exaggeration of that sphere where success still exists.

Reactive formation

If ever before a person wanted to commit oreven committed, an unacceptable, socially condemned act, then by the operation of this mechanism he will subsequently condemn in every possible way the people who commit the same act.

Sublimation

Replacement of the action that you want, but "does not run"do, for some other action. Sublimation was originally attributed primarily to the sphere of sexual life, when a subject experiences a strong sexual desire, but can not realize it and does something that drowns out the attraction. For example, sports. Now this concept is broader. The concept of sublimation includes any redirected action.

Our psyche is a complex mechanism that does notalways works for our benefit. Often, the protective mechanisms of the psyche do not solve the problem as much as create it. This can be learned by going through a simple test for the defense mechanisms of the psyche. If you work in this direction, you can greatly increase the quality of your life.

Tip 3: How to pull yourself together and not scream at the child?

Even the most loving parents can periodicallyraise your voice to your child. Sometimes we all break into a cry, knowing in advance that later we will regret it. How will you learn to control your feelings and take yourself in hand?

Why not scream at children?All teenagers perceive the cry alike - they are frightened of it. True reaction of each to his own cry, someone starts to cry and closes in themselves, others start hiding in another room or just screaming in response. It can be said that a constant cry traumatizes the child's psyche and destroys warm relations. When is the cry useful? It must be taken into account that screaming is not always bad. In life there are times when it is simply necessary. For example, there are emergency situations when a child crosses the road and the car quickly drives to him. In this case, it is necessary to shout and warn the child about the danger. But raising the tone will affect the child only if you do not shout at him constantly, with reason and without reason. How to overcome irritability? In order to learn to take yourself in hand, you need to ask for help from your child. Do not think that he is still young, and he does not understand anything. On the contrary, children are very sensitive and very well perceive the mood of their parents. It is necessary to tell the child that it is difficult for you to control your feelings and give permission to interrupt or stop you. You will see that when the child asks you not to scream and talk calmly, you will stop screaming. Learn to rest more with the child and give him more time. It is very difficult to maintain a relationship when there is a stressful situation around. Very often the scream is caused by overwork, so take care of your favorite activities, take a bath or read your favorite book. If you feel that your nerves are renting very often, then only a psychologist can come to help. A specialist will advise you on a drug that will make you calmer. The most important thing about which it is necessary to remember that a child as a child can not do anything, but as soon as he grows up, he will stop communicating with you and trust you. Before you scream, think about what it can lead to and stop. There is one good tool that works without fail, when a conflict situation is formed - it's humor. Try not screaming at the baby or puffing or snarling. He will understand that you are unhappy, but he will not be frightened and will snarl with you and everything will turn into a comic game.

Tip 4: How to respond to a child's hysteria

About three years the child tries in every possible waydefend his "I". Some at the same time crying, others stamping their feet and lying on the floor, the third rush to mom with fists, etc. How to behave in such cases, to get out of the conflict situation with minimal psychological losses.

Of course, it is better to prevent hysteria, for thisthere are a number of rules that the child must clearly know from the very childhood. For example, do not climb into the outlet, do not run the road alone, do not touch knives and scissors, etc. The child should have the right to choose: "Will you eat soup or porridge? Will you eat now or after the cartoon? ". The child understands that there is a need, but that's what and when, the baby will decide himself.

Nascent hysteria can be recognized byseveral signs: the baby holds his breath, tightens his lips, tears appear in his eyes, etc. In such cases, you need to quickly switch his attention to something else, offer a toy, paint or read a book together.

But sometimes it happens that the tantrum was not able to stop smoking and the scandal is in full swing. What should I do in such cases?

Keep stability.Most often, children start hysterical peopleplaces: shops, polyclinics, public transport. Mom, fearing the condemnation of others, feeling guilty for such behavior of the baby, tries to persuade the child, but, if it does not help, then scream or beat the child. Here you need to try to abstract yourself from others and act in your own interests and the interests of the child.

Be a "container" for the emotions of the baby. First you need to understand what is going on witha child during a tantrum. Having been refused in any way, he at first becomes frustrated, then gets angry, inadequately behaves himself. To get out of this state the child alone can not and hysteria continues to grow. In a state of affect, he no longer hears his mother and does not react to persuasion. In no case can not stand silently and wait for the end of hysteria, you can not leave your baby alone with his emotions, it greatly hurts the child's psyche. No need to continue to scold the child or say "no", it is worth trying to understand the feelings and emotions of the child, to withstand his hatred and the baby will cry and calm down.

During the hysteria baby is necessaryhug, if possible, take them to another place. If hysterics happened at home, you can wrap the child in a blanket and pamyukat. When the child has practically calmed down, it is necessary to offer him a deep breathe, drink water, etc.

After the hysteria it is advisable to stay close to the child, explain it and your behavior. Tell about the moments in which the behavior of the baby was pleasant for you.

Tip 5: Survive a divorce with minimal harm to the child's psyche

Divorce is always a difficult time for the whole family. Everyone is suffering, including a child. How to protect the baby from parental disassembly, without traumatizing his psyche? While the parents find out the relationship and divide the property, the child catches every word, mood, reaction.

Instructions

When the family collapses, it's hard to keepcalm, easy to succumb to panic and dramatize a divorce. Negative thoughts and feelings are easily transmitted to the child. Now the child is in desperate need of attention, care and positive emotions, because mother's love is the best vaccination from life's misfortunes.

Instructing the child that divorce is not an excuse forwe ignore his feelings, do not take them seriously. Whatever one may say, leaving a father from the family is a big loss. Explain to the child that you understand how painful and scary it is.

You behaved badly, so Dad left. Say this is capable of a woman who scolds and despises herself for not being able to save the marriage, but offering the child to share with her responsibility for the failed relationship. Try not to involve children in the conflict of adults: this is a very serious test for a child of any age.

For the child, dad is an important and beloved person, fromwhich he inherited many features of appearance and character. Therefore, the child can transfer criticism to himself: if the pope is bad, then so do I. If a girl hears bad reviews about her father, she gets an installation "all men are bad." Try to talk about the positive qualities of the ex-husband, and also let the child communicate with the father, if this desire is mutual.